but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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