Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
