Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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