One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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