I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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