this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You may now shotgun with the bride
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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