Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
