It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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