Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
