reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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