By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's shark week go big or go home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize