She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
