your parents love me but you hate me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
