Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize