i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
