You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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