My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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