You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
