I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
