Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
