you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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