just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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