So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
