i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
