What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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