I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize