redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
