this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
