I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
