Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize