I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
