i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
