Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
