I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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