guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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