Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
