very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize