if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
