that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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