Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
