Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
