Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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