yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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