HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
