someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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