ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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