Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize