I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
