hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
