Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
