So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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