Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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