I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize