My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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