Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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