i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
