Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
