I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize