We're like a lot better than the average bears
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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