if only i could text you this smell
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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