He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And then my night got REAL pukey
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize