She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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