I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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