I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
