If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
