the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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