Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
