if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
