grandma shit on top of the toilet
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
