sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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