Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
