drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
