you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
