Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
