Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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