after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
