everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
