just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
