oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
