i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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