I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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