Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
