you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
