getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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