I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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