Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
