I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When did angry sex become our thing?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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