My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
