He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
