im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
