it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
