I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
