This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
