You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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