Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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