I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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